Confession in Marriage - Becoming Vulnerable

Communication techniques are one of the most commonly recommended resources available for couples. The thought seems to be, by improving our ability to speak ideas and listen we will get along better. Though we all need to communicate well, many of these techniques are insufficient for increasing and solidifying intimacy in marriage. Deeper connections in marriage are more the result of confession than communication. Confession makes us vulnerable and vulnerability is necessary for true intimacy. Unfortunately for many of us our fear of vulnerability frequently results in us retreating.

Confession in marriage means we are willing to share our deepest parts. We are willing to talk about our successes and our failures. We are willing to share our disappointments and our dreams. We are willing to express our gratitude and our hurts. We are willing to share our shame. Sharing these deepest parts means we are risking rejection.

Playing it safe in relationships is ultimately unsatisfying and disconnecting. We never come to know our spouse and their true self. The masks we continue to wear grows distance. The increasing distance in the marriage leads to distrust and misunderstanding and ultimately divorce.

One idea for increasing intimacy and confession is to write down your imagined future together. If the marriage is at is best, what will the two of you be doing in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, etc. What do you dream of doing? I recently had a conversation with my wife much like this and was reminded of a deep desire of her heart that had been supplanted by time and distractions. I had never intentionally ignored her desires but life got in the way. I am now refocused on some of her deepest heart desires as she is mine.

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