The mental health arena is rich with references to the stages of grief that Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced us to way back in 1969. The final phase of her model is acceptance. When bad stuff happens, we deny, get angry, bargain, become depressed, and according to the model ideally reach a point of acceptance. Yet increasingly much of our culture refuses to accept grief and pain. We choose to alleviate our pain-loss-disappointmemt with various strategies. Acceptance (as defined by Kubler-Ross) is unfortunately an important emotional skill our culture seems to have abandoned. We have become addicted to making ourselves feel better. We don’t like hurts, and in fact we do our very best to avoid it.  Why has this happened? Can we really do anything about it? How do we develop a culture of Acceptance versus the need to alleviate or avoid pain? Attachment theory and its perspective on early childhood development might offer some insights. In at...

It’s time to retire the term “helicopter parents”. Depending on your source, the term was coined by one of two individuals. The psychologist, Haim Ginott, wrote about a child/teen sharing that their parent hovered over them like a helicopter. It then seems that the parenting expert, Jim Fay and Foster Cline wrote about “helicopter parents” in their discussions of parenting with love and logic. It seems the work of Cline and Fay brought popularity to the concept and is how is has spread throughout the school systems as the Love and Logic model is promoted by many schools. The popular interpretation of the term is referencing parents who “hover” and over manage the lives of their children. This can obviously be a concern. It is not productive for a parent to be in the habit of over controlling a child’s decisions or rescuing them from the consequences of their choices. As I counsel families I have become increasingly concerned that the interpretation of being a helicopter parent is ...

We have an authority problem. Recent news overwhelms with incidents of blatant disrespect for authority figures. Here are a few samples. Tom Brady appeals his suspension for cheating and wins reprieve from a four game suspension. Our culture’s worship of sports heroes has sunk to a new low when blatant cheating is disregarded and a Superbowl champion is allowed to get away without penalty. I think Pete Rose is probably pretty upset. Two high school football athletes, apparently angry over a call made by a referee assaults the referee during the game. The extent to which adults were involved is still unclear. Four police officers are violently gunned down in assassination attacks in the past few weeks for no reason other than wearing the uniform. A fourteen year old student brings an engineering project to school that looks suspiciously dangerous and refuses to put it away when asked by two teachers. Authorities' response to his choices are labeled as racism and ...

This is a poem composed by Dr. Mark DeYoung. All the spaces, whether filled with joy or pain in families are sacred. Families exist in all kinds of places and spaces The space between birth and death The space between a marriage and a divorce. Grief and rejoicing Attention and neglect A father's hand that can be protective and possibly violent A mother's voice that can be comforting and possibly rejecting  The space between failure and success The space between togetherness and lonliness  Siblings who can be best of friends and worst enemies Homes that can be filled with rage and laughter The space between substance abuse and sobriety Encouragement and criticism Safety and injury Being chosen and being ignored Wounds and healing The distance between these dichotomies is made sacred For it is in these spaces families express and experience, Life, Comfort, Mercy, Forgiveness, Grace, Reconciliation, Hope, and Love.

It is part of our human nature to attempt to make sense of a complicated world. Most recently there are many complex stories confronting us in our Facebook newsfeed and conversations with neighbors or coworkers. We like complex problems because we receive some satisfaction from reaching conclusions about or solving those problems. The dilemma, as I currently see it, is we are often too quick to propose solutions or reach a conclusion about complex matters, and we share these thoughts as impulsive observations on our Twitter accounts and Facebook feeds. Let’s be honest, this provides no real results other than some catharsis. How do we interpret, diagnose, analyze or even understand the behavior of Caitlyn Jenner? - I don’t know. How do we fathom, propose solutions, control or stop the evil of ISIS and other terrorist organizations? - I got nothing. Why do we seem to have an increase in sexually exploitive behavior by school personnel and students? - Too many issues here. Cor...

In May 2013 the American Psychiatric Association published the newest diagnostic tool for mental health, the DSM 5. This is the fifth major publication of what many consider to be the Bible of mental health. It is used by mental health practitioners (psychiatrist, psychologists, and counselors), courts, insurance companies, and government agencies in their diagnostic and decision making activities related to mental health. As a result of its widespread use, any changes receive increased media attention and scrutiny by professionals. It has been fifteen years since the last revision of this book and the changes made this year have not necessarily been welcomed by professionals and other interested groups. The controversy over the removal of Asperger's as a diagnosis is one example you may have heard about and one change that has received considerable attention. In the interest of public education I would like to offer a couple observations about the DSM 5 and how it may affec...