It’s time to retire the term “helicopter parents”. Depending on your source, the term was coined by one of two individuals. The psychologist, Haim Ginott, wrote about a child/teen sharing that their parent hovered over them like a helicopter. It then seems that the parenting expert, Jim Fay and Foster Cline wrote about “helicopter parents” in their discussions of parenting with love and logic. It seems the work of Cline and Fay brought popularity to the concept and is how is has spread throughout the school systems as the Love and Logic model is promoted by many schools. The popular interpretation of the term is referencing parents who “hover” and over manage the lives of their children. This can obviously be a concern. It is not productive for a parent to be in the habit of over controlling a child’s decisions or rescuing them from the consequences of their choices. As I counsel families I have become increasingly concerned that the interpretation of being a helicopter parent is ...

We have an authority problem. Recent news overwhelms with incidents of blatant disrespect for authority figures. Here are a few samples. Tom Brady appeals his suspension for cheating and wins reprieve from a four game suspension. Our culture’s worship of sports heroes has sunk to a new low when blatant cheating is disregarded and a Superbowl champion is allowed to get away without penalty. I think Pete Rose is probably pretty upset. Two high school football athletes, apparently angry over a call made by a referee assaults the referee during the game. The extent to which adults were involved is still unclear. Four police officers are violently gunned down in assassination attacks in the past few weeks for no reason other than wearing the uniform. A fourteen year old student brings an engineering project to school that looks suspiciously dangerous and refuses to put it away when asked by two teachers. Authorities' response to his choices are labeled as racism and ...

It is part of our human nature to attempt to make sense of a complicated world. Most recently there are many complex stories confronting us in our Facebook newsfeed and conversations with neighbors or coworkers. We like complex problems because we receive some satisfaction from reaching conclusions about or solving those problems. The dilemma, as I currently see it, is we are often too quick to propose solutions or reach a conclusion about complex matters, and we share these thoughts as impulsive observations on our Twitter accounts and Facebook feeds. Let’s be honest, this provides no real results other than some catharsis. How do we interpret, diagnose, analyze or even understand the behavior of Caitlyn Jenner? - I don’t know. How do we fathom, propose solutions, control or stop the evil of ISIS and other terrorist organizations? - I got nothing. Why do we seem to have an increase in sexually exploitive behavior by school personnel and students? - Too many issues here. Cor...

During 2013 DeYoung Consulting is celebrating 10 years of serving children and families. That past ten years has been an exciting journey and we are looking ahead to greater things in the next ten years. As a part of out ten year celebration we have created a new logo. With the help of  Glint Advertising  they helped us develop a fresh and new logo as well as a new tag line. The new logo is at the top of this blog. It is representative of our work with families, providing in-home therapy services, and the core tenets of attachment theory that guides our work with families.  Our new tag, "Safe, Stable, Successful Familes" illustrates the attachment concepts.  1. Safety (physical and emotional) is a requirement for healthy human development. We want to help develop homes where relationships (parenting, marriage, extended family, etc) are safe and family members intentionally nurture healthy connections.  Children exposed to violent and chaotic environ...

AN UPDATE: Following the post of this blog, the recommendations have been incorporated into a pledge for parents. You can access the pledge on Facebook, and by clicking "like" you are indicating you pledge to educate and teach your kids about safe use of social media. Please raise awareness and encourage your friends to take the pledge. POSSE - Parents Offering Safe Social Media Education. ( Click Here to take the Pledge.) An increasing problem with my work with foster and adoptive families is a child's access to Facebook. This social media tool has opened a Pandora's box of communication and family contact issues between adopted children and their birth families. Not all of these connections are bad or harmful but many times the family connection that is made can be overwhelming emotionally and even retraumatizing. I have discussed these issues with many families and have a few suggestions for managing Facebook and other social media. 1. No child younger than 13 ye...