Though we grew up thousands of miles apart, my wife and I shared something in common throughout high school. We both played in band and had the role of “tuning” all the instruments. If you have ever played in band or tuned an instrument you know that the object is to match tones so that there is an absence of wavering in sound produced by the two instruments. The more “in tune” instruments were, the less wavering between their tones. Adjustments were made to instruments to make sure that their tones matched. The same adjustments were not made every time the band played, because external factors such as temperature and humidity would affect the tones produced by the instruments. Marriages are much like the instrument tuning process. Each partner has a frequency or energy level at which they are currently functioning. This natural frequency consists of our temperament from which we normally function, and external circumstances, either negative or positive that influence our temperament.

An issue that I frequently address in my work with families is how to manage temper tantrums. Children are returning to school and transitioning into a regular routine again following the Christmas holiday period that was likely filled with the flurry of holiday activity. This increases the possibility for temper fits as the family makes the adjustments. When I talk with children about their temper tantrums they frequently use phrases such as “feeling out of control”, “brain dead”, or “my brain doesn’t work”, to describe their feelings. All these phrases describe exactly what we know about what happens to a child during a tantrum. Their brain undergoes changes in which their ability to think clearly and logically disappears. Any attempt to reason, discipline, teach or guide during the tantrum will literally fall on deaf ears. Once the tantrum has begun, the only choice is to let it end until some sense of normalcy, and rationality has returned. It is important for the adults around the