Seeking Permenance

My hard drive crashed. Actually it was my back-up hard drive. On my desk sits a computer hard drive that just three weeks ago served as a backup to my system. In a flash, it failed. It was full of useful and important information and it’s all gone. Now it is just a metal paperweight.Many of us have likely experienced a computer malfunction in which important data has been lost. Data from our lives such as financial records, letters, addresses, or pictures stored as electronic bits of zeros and ones on a magnetic platter that spins at dizzying speeds. One zap and it is gone. It seems so fragile and temporary.

What is really lasting and permanent? My answer to that question is that relationships and family matter most. Placing our energies into our family relationships has the potential for long term generational pay-offs.

Here are some suggestions to help ensure you are not wasting your efforts on the temporary.

1. Spend time with your spouse. Have a regular date night. Write each other notes.

2. Spend time with your children. Take family walks. Play games in the backyard. Make sure you have extended periods of time together (over an hour) to make sure you are not forcing “quality time.” Quality is a result of quantity.

3. Conduct an audit of the family’s schedule and notice where you spend much of your free time. Can you cut out an activity? Is the family too busy?

Coming in the next two weeks – “Listening to your Children.”

Comments

Sacred Spaces

This is a poem composed by Dr. Mark DeYoung. All the spaces, whether filled with joy or pain in families are sacred. Families exist in all kinds of places and spaces The space between birth and death The space between a marriage and a divorce. Grief and rejoicing Attention and neglect A father's hand that can be protective and possibly violent A mother's voice that can be comforting and possibly rejecting The space between failure and success The space between togetherness and lonliness Siblings who can be best of friends and worst enemies Homes that can be filled with rage and laughter The space between substance abuse and sobriety Encouragement and criticism Safety and injury Being chosen and being ignored Wounds and healing The distance between these dichotomies is made sacred For it is in these spaces families express and experience, Life, Comfort, Mercy, Forgiveness, Grace, Reconciliation, Hope, and Love.

Attachment and Wild Things

As a young child I remember reading "Where the Wild Things Are" and I don't feel like I related to Max. I was a pretty easy going, compliant kid and can't remember being sent to my room without my supper. Now as a father and family therapist I have come to see that Maurice Sendak had an amazing insight into the world of children and their experiences. Max is a young boy in the developmental middle of great emotional growth and his defiance and tantrums one night lead him to episode after episode of chaos. Most parents of young children can relate to witnessing similar episodes, and we know that a young child's immature emotional brains can easily become overwhelmed, resulting in impulsivity, defiance, and tantrums. Max's final explosion towards his mother results in being sent to his room and his adventure with the Wild Things. His time with the Wild Things serves as a metaphor for every child's attempts to tame the monstrous and overwhelming feelings t

Authority Problems

We have an authority problem. Recent news overwhelms with incidents of blatant disrespect for authority figures. Here are a few samples. Tom Brady appeals his suspension for cheating and wins reprieve from a four game suspension. Our culture’s worship of sports heroes has sunk to a new low when blatant cheating is disregarded and a Superbowl champion is allowed to get away without penalty. I think Pete Rose is probably pretty upset. Two high school football athletes, apparently angry over a call made by a referee assaults the referee during the game. The extent to which adults were involved is still unclear. Four police officers are violently gunned down in assassination attacks in the past few weeks for no reason other than wearing the uniform. A fourteen year old student brings an engineering project to school that looks suspiciously dangerous and refuses to put it away when asked by two teachers. Authorities' response to his choices are labeled as racism and

Search This Blog