I like changes in seasons, and one of my particular favorites is the arrival of fall. Here in Fort Worth we are still experiencing a change in the leaves (which has been quite dramatic this year) as recent north winds are blowing the leaves off their branches. Today as I was driving I was watching the flurry of leaves in the air and on the ground and reminded of one of the reasons I like fall. It is a time for cleaning out, whisking away the old, as one begins the winter wait for spring renewal. In families there are similar ‘seasons.’ There is a time to allow the old to fall away, much like the leaves. These may be memories of past arguments, frustrations with a child’s defiance, or attempts to fix problems that have not worked. It may be time to allow grace to enter into the relationships and drop those issues from the family tree. Grace requires us to let the intensity of the issue to fade away so we no longer hang onto the emotional weight within the relationship. As a father and h...

The presidential election is behind us by one week, but news of transitions and changes are continuing to be broadcast. I thought I would share some observations about the election and upcoming changes for our country. I particularly want to focus upon this transition and its influence on children. I have observed many children over the past few weeks share feelings and thoughts regarding the election. Many expressed support for a particular candidate and some shared fears about what a candidate might do if they were elected. Children as young as first grade have been participating in mock elections in their schools. Though it is exciting to see children interested in the election process, young children particularly lack the cognitive skills to understand and process the large amounts of news and information associated with an election (many of us adults also struggle). Though there are economic pressures that have many nervous about the future, as adults we should be careful about ho...

Both of my daughters learned to ride their bikes this past weekend. We have been working on bike riding for some time with great frustration. Our daughters have been frightened and frustrated, and as parents we have questioned our abilities to be effective teachers. After a few practice attempts they both just got on their bikes and rode them. It was a rather magical moment after numerous failed attempts. This experience reminded me of the simple joys of observing children “get it.” Do you remember your child’s first words? First steps? First hit of the baseball? All of their determination and frustrations from past failures washed from their faces as a smile and the joy of success bring a new flood of emotion. I have noted the numerous times that it just seems to click for children and they finally get it. Sometimes this happens sooner than expected and other times it seems as if a child will never understand. But in both cases the excitement of a new skill is wonderful. Parents must ...

Research has suggested that a building block for healthy development is a child’s ability to recognize the “You-I” distinction. I am Me and You are You. You might have different feelings than Me. You might think differently than Me. I might be interested in something different than You and I might feel differently than You. Developing this important social skill, begins in infancy and continues throughout childhood. The basic building block for developing the skill is parental empathy. When a parent acknowledges a child’s thoughts, and feelings it helps the child draw the distinction between self and others. Unfortunately, many times in disciplinary situations, because of the intensity of the moment, or the necessity to deal with the situation quickly, acknowledging a child’s feelings becomes a challenge. I would suggest that a primary disciplinary tool is to begin discipline by acknowledging a child child’s feelings. “I understand that broccoli is not your favorite food and it tastes ...

I would like to suggest an experiment. Choose a day in the next week and just simply observe and listen to your child. During the whole day, just listen to them. Don’t use too much energy directing or disciplining, teaching or correcting. Rather listen for your child’s feelings, concerns, and desires. Haim Ginott in the classic parenting book, Between Parent and Child , said, “When a child tells of, or asks about, an event, it is frequently best to respond not to the event, but to the relationship implied…Behind many childhood questions is the desire for reassurance. The best answer for such questions is the assurance of our abiding relationship.” Children need a sense of security and a great building block for establishing that security is feeling understood. As a parent you increase your ability to understand your child by taking time to listen to them. Our listening needs to be tuned into hearing the feelings behind the child’s words. Many times we respond to a child without really ...

My hard drive crashed. Actually it was my back-up hard drive. On my desk sits a computer hard drive that just three weeks ago served as a backup to my system. In a flash, it failed. It was full of useful and important information and it’s all gone. Now it is just a metal paperweight.Many of us have likely experienced a computer malfunction in which important data has been lost. Data from our lives such as financial records, letters, addresses, or pictures stored as electronic bits of zeros and ones on a magnetic platter that spins at dizzying speeds. One zap and it is gone. It seems so fragile and temporary. What is really lasting and permanent? My answer to that question is that relationships and family matter most. Placing our energies into our family relationships has the potential for long term generational pay-offs. Here are some suggestions to help ensure you are not wasting your efforts on the temporary. 1. Spend time with your spouse. Have a regular date night. Write each other...