This is a poem composed by Dr. Mark DeYoung. All the spaces, whether filled with joy or pain in families are sacred. Families exist in all kinds of places and spaces The space between birth and death The space between a marriage and a divorce. Grief and rejoicing Attention and neglect A father's hand that can be protective and possibly violent A mother's voice that can be comforting and possibly rejecting  The space between failure and success The space between togetherness and lonliness  Siblings who can be best of friends and worst enemies Homes that can be filled with rage and laughter The space between substance abuse and sobriety Encouragement and criticism Safety and injury Being chosen and being ignored Wounds and healing The distance between these dichotomies is made sacred For it is in these spaces families express and experience, Life, Comfort, Mercy, Forgiveness, Grace, Reconciliation, Hope, and Love.

It is part of our human nature to attempt to make sense of a complicated world. Most recently there are many complex stories confronting us in our Facebook newsfeed and conversations with neighbors or coworkers. We like complex problems because we receive some satisfaction from reaching conclusions about or solving those problems. The dilemma, as I currently see it, is we are often too quick to propose solutions or reach a conclusion about complex matters, and we share these thoughts as impulsive observations on our Twitter accounts and Facebook feeds. Let’s be honest, this provides no real results other than some catharsis. How do we interpret, diagnose, analyze or even understand the behavior of Caitlyn Jenner? - I don’t know. How do we fathom, propose solutions, control or stop the evil of ISIS and other terrorist organizations? - I got nothing. Why do we seem to have an increase in sexually exploitive behavior by school personnel and students? - Too many issues here. Cor...

So last night our youngest daughter won a semifinal softball game allowing her to play for the league championship next week. We are proud of her accomplishment and the hard work this team has exhibited. They were in fourth place in regular season play but clawed their way to the championship game, beating the first place team twice in the tournament. Fall is a busy competition season in our family. We have softball, but both daughters are also in band. Their competitions are both individual (solo contests with band) and team (marching band, softball). These competitions are fierce and challenging. Our oldest is in marching band as a drum major and if you think high school football in Texas is exciting and competitive, just go to a high school marching contest in the fall in North Texas and you might think you have seen a whole new level of competition. Though we have seen our share of successes and “wins” in the lives of our girls, we have had more losses. Out of all t...

In May 2013 the American Psychiatric Association published the newest diagnostic tool for mental health, the DSM 5. This is the fifth major publication of what many consider to be the Bible of mental health. It is used by mental health practitioners (psychiatrist, psychologists, and counselors), courts, insurance companies, and government agencies in their diagnostic and decision making activities related to mental health. As a result of its widespread use, any changes receive increased media attention and scrutiny by professionals. It has been fifteen years since the last revision of this book and the changes made this year have not necessarily been welcomed by professionals and other interested groups. The controversy over the removal of Asperger's as a diagnosis is one example you may have heard about and one change that has received considerable attention. In the interest of public education I would like to offer a couple observations about the DSM 5 and how it may affec...

During 2013 DeYoung Consulting is celebrating 10 years of serving children and families. That past ten years has been an exciting journey and we are looking ahead to greater things in the next ten years. As a part of out ten year celebration we have created a new logo. With the help of  Glint Advertising  they helped us develop a fresh and new logo as well as a new tag line. The new logo is at the top of this blog. It is representative of our work with families, providing in-home therapy services, and the core tenets of attachment theory that guides our work with families.  Our new tag, "Safe, Stable, Successful Familes" illustrates the attachment concepts.  1. Safety (physical and emotional) is a requirement for healthy human development. We want to help develop homes where relationships (parenting, marriage, extended family, etc) are safe and family members intentionally nurture healthy connections.  Children exposed to violent and chaotic environ...

As a young child I remember reading "Where the Wild Things Are" and I don't feel like I related to Max. I was a pretty easy going, compliant kid and can't remember being sent to my room without my supper. Now as a father and family therapist I have come to see that Maurice Sendak had an amazing insight into the world of children and their experiences. Max is a young boy in the developmental middle of great emotional growth and his defiance and tantrums one night lead him to episode after episode of chaos. Most parents of young children can relate to witnessing similar episodes, and we know that a young child's immature emotional brains can easily become overwhelmed, resulting in impulsivity, defiance, and tantrums. Max's final explosion towards his mother results in being sent to his room and his adventure with the Wild Things. His time with the Wild Things serves as a metaphor for every child's attempts to tame the monstrous and overwhelming feelings t...

Problems with married sex are not rooted in frequency. Unfortunately in our culture sexual frequency has become the primary measure for healthy sexuality - resulting in women feeling pressured and men feeling as if they are missing out. The marriage bed is experienced as disappointing and inadequate. We have sex in darkened rooms so we can hide. The true problem of married sex is shame. Shame, the feeling that "I am bad" or "Something is wrong with me", creates distance and hurt in marriage. These relational gaps begin as small injuries that build into ever-widening chasms of distance where the couple see a distant and disconnected view of the other. The passion that they once felt feels hopelessly lost and unable to rekindle. The relational injuries are not necessarily sexual in nature. They are the little criticisms, being too busy, and becoming too self-focused. Most marriages have the resiliency to bounce back from these moments. But when the injury touches a de...