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Winning isn't Everything

So last night our youngest daughter won a semifinal softball game allowing her to play for the league championship next week. We are proud of her accomplishment and the hard work this team has exhibited. They were in fourth place in regular season play but clawed their way to the championship game, beating the first place team twice in the tournament.

Fall is a busy competition season in our family. We have softball, but both daughters are also in band. Their competitions are both individual (solo contests with band) and team (marching band, softball). These competitions are fierce and challenging. Our oldest is in marching band as a drum major and if you think high school football in Texas is exciting and competitive, just go to a high school marching contest in the fall in North Texas and you might think you have seen a whole new level of competition.

Though we have seen our share of successes and “wins” in the lives of our girls, we have had more losses. Out of all the softball seasons, the majority have been losing seasons.  When our oldest played basketball she had more bench time and losses than she really wants to remember. Both girls have failed to reach their goals in individual band competitions and been disappointed in their scores and results.

If winning were the only thing, honestly I think we would have reason to be depressed. Most of our aspirations to “win” in any of these competitions for our girls have come up short and I confess we have felt our share of disappointments. But as I reflect on the value of competition, winning might be pointless.

How many teams, or individuals can claim victory? It is only the slimmest minority. In any professional sport it is one team from dozens every year. And how often is victory forgotten. Does anybody really care anymore about what you “won” in high school? Be honest. Do you even remember? Does having "high school state winning quarterback" on your resume really matter? Since so few win, and the spoils of victory don’t last, we have got to stop emphasizing winning in our culture.

Competition is hard, not because we might lose, it is hard because we are challenged. We get stretched in competition and their is a chance to grow. We celebrate the underdog because we love to see them succeed.

Life is hard and throws many challenges at us. The value of competition is giving us the skills to face challenge. Through competition we learn to set goals, work with others, deal with setbacks, persevere, make adjustments, listen, reflect, deal with disappointment, and be satisfied with small successes. That is a pretty good list. So what would you rather have: An intense focus on winning or the enjoyment of the fruits of your competition.

Your kids are going to lose. No matter their grades in elementary school or high school, they will lose. Do they have the resilience to accept their loss and celebrate their growth in competition? The thing I enjoyed the most from our game last night was not the win. It was watching my daughter snag a hard ground ball fifteen feet from the first baseman and rather than throw a overhand ball, she remembered what she had practiced and made a nice underhand toss that was controlled and easily caught by the first baseman. She grew a notch in her play because she worked hard and learned from past mistakes. That is going to carry her farther in life than the first or second place trophy she will get next week.

So get your kids in a challenging and competitive environment. Love them in spite of their victories and losses, and celebrate their growth. 

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