I like the familiar. Stability, and consistency are words in my emotional dictionary that provide comfort. Though there are some people that enjoy the thrill of risk and adventure more than others I think most of us can say we would like to minimize surprises. Yet, a well known fact among those working in the field of family therapy is that within people systems such as families - change happens.
Four months ago our family moved to a new house. We went through the purchasing and moving process within two months, and all of the change that came with the move was completely unexpected at the beginning of 2009. With the move came many changes for our family. Our daughters moved from the only house they had ever known. We now live in a home that is two stories, and located next to a park walking trail. We get lots of company. Our garage is smaller, our backyard is bigger, and we have poison ivy in many of the flower beds (this has just been discovered in the past two weeks). Some of these changes are positive and others have presented challenges (we are becoming increasingly familiar with steroid creams and shots). Immediate action is being taken against the poison ivy and we are eradicating this threat to stability in our home.
Change happens. Many family therapists view the families they are working with as dynamic systems that are always in the process of shifting. Roles are modified. Family members change patterns of communication and demonstrate increased closeness with some and distance with others. Yet through all the changes, families remain intact and unchanged. There is stability among the chaos. It is important to remind ourselves of the overall family stability during chaotic and uncertain shifts in the daily function of a family or marriage.
Change does not necessarily end relationships. Change can reshape the way a relationship works. Imagine the thermostat in your home. The temperature in your home is undergoing a constant state of change and when it reaches a certain threshold the air conditioner turns on and reverses the temperature change to cool the home. This change (A/C turning on) is necessary to provide stability. Some changes in families serve the same function and sometimes the changes help the family function better.
So here are some recommendations for managing change in your family.
Recognize that some changes are necessary to help the family remain stable.
Be careful about overreacting to a change. Take time to think and reflect about what is happening. A period of stability may be just ahead of this temporary adjustment.
Share your commitment with your family members. Tell them you love them. Demonstrate that you are available to them.
Recognize that some changes are a serious threat and need dramatic action (like the poison ivy in the flower beds). Don't be afraid to seek help from a trusted friend, pastor, or family therapist.
Four months ago our family moved to a new house. We went through the purchasing and moving process within two months, and all of the change that came with the move was completely unexpected at the beginning of 2009. With the move came many changes for our family. Our daughters moved from the only house they had ever known. We now live in a home that is two stories, and located next to a park walking trail. We get lots of company. Our garage is smaller, our backyard is bigger, and we have poison ivy in many of the flower beds (this has just been discovered in the past two weeks). Some of these changes are positive and others have presented challenges (we are becoming increasingly familiar with steroid creams and shots). Immediate action is being taken against the poison ivy and we are eradicating this threat to stability in our home.
Change happens. Many family therapists view the families they are working with as dynamic systems that are always in the process of shifting. Roles are modified. Family members change patterns of communication and demonstrate increased closeness with some and distance with others. Yet through all the changes, families remain intact and unchanged. There is stability among the chaos. It is important to remind ourselves of the overall family stability during chaotic and uncertain shifts in the daily function of a family or marriage.
Change does not necessarily end relationships. Change can reshape the way a relationship works. Imagine the thermostat in your home. The temperature in your home is undergoing a constant state of change and when it reaches a certain threshold the air conditioner turns on and reverses the temperature change to cool the home. This change (A/C turning on) is necessary to provide stability. Some changes in families serve the same function and sometimes the changes help the family function better.
So here are some recommendations for managing change in your family.
Recognize that some changes are necessary to help the family remain stable.
Be careful about overreacting to a change. Take time to think and reflect about what is happening. A period of stability may be just ahead of this temporary adjustment.
Share your commitment with your family members. Tell them you love them. Demonstrate that you are available to them.
Recognize that some changes are a serious threat and need dramatic action (like the poison ivy in the flower beds). Don't be afraid to seek help from a trusted friend, pastor, or family therapist.
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