An issue that I frequently address in my work with families is how to manage temper tantrums. Children are returning to school and transitioning into a regular routine again following the Christmas holiday period that was likely filled with the flurry of holiday activity. This increases the possibility for temper fits as the family makes the adjustments.
When I talk with children about their temper tantrums they frequently use phrases such as “feeling out of control”, “brain dead”, or “my brain doesn’t work”, to describe their feelings. All these phrases describe exactly what we know about what happens to a child during a tantrum. Their brain undergoes changes in which their ability to think clearly and logically disappears. Any attempt to reason, discipline, teach or guide during the tantrum will literally fall on deaf ears. Once the tantrum has begun, the only choice is to let it end until some sense of normalcy, and rationality has returned. It is important for the adults around the child to remain calm during the tantrum to help soothe rather than escalate the child’s feelings. An out-of-control adult will only make the child feel more out-of-control.
Most child care experts would recommend that prevention is our best tool for managing tantrums. In fact some have suggested that tantrums have a negative impact upon a child’s mind, even undoing some of their learning and skills for making decisions in calm moments. So it would serve us well as parents to have plans and a structure in place to minimize tantrums as much as possible.
1. Be sure your children have an early and regular bedtime. We all need sleep, but children especially need a regular sleep schedule.
2. Evaluate your daily routine in the home. Are there times of quiet and rest or is the family always on the go?
3. Evaluate the number of extracurricular activities that your child is involved in. Are they doing too many things?
4. Discuss and practice the idea of timeout for helping calm down. Have children practice going to their room when they ar mad until they feel calm again. Discussing this concept when your children are calm will help it really sink in when their brains are fully functioning.
When I talk with children about their temper tantrums they frequently use phrases such as “feeling out of control”, “brain dead”, or “my brain doesn’t work”, to describe their feelings. All these phrases describe exactly what we know about what happens to a child during a tantrum. Their brain undergoes changes in which their ability to think clearly and logically disappears. Any attempt to reason, discipline, teach or guide during the tantrum will literally fall on deaf ears. Once the tantrum has begun, the only choice is to let it end until some sense of normalcy, and rationality has returned. It is important for the adults around the child to remain calm during the tantrum to help soothe rather than escalate the child’s feelings. An out-of-control adult will only make the child feel more out-of-control.
Most child care experts would recommend that prevention is our best tool for managing tantrums. In fact some have suggested that tantrums have a negative impact upon a child’s mind, even undoing some of their learning and skills for making decisions in calm moments. So it would serve us well as parents to have plans and a structure in place to minimize tantrums as much as possible.
1. Be sure your children have an early and regular bedtime. We all need sleep, but children especially need a regular sleep schedule.
2. Evaluate your daily routine in the home. Are there times of quiet and rest or is the family always on the go?
3. Evaluate the number of extracurricular activities that your child is involved in. Are they doing too many things?
4. Discuss and practice the idea of timeout for helping calm down. Have children practice going to their room when they ar mad until they feel calm again. Discussing this concept when your children are calm will help it really sink in when their brains are fully functioning.
Comments
Post a Comment